Crap.

Today is one of those days. I feel like crap. I look like crap. I stepped in crap.
I've been up since 6:00am, taken a total of 10 busses (to and back from my destination), travelled in total for probably 7 hours, with a solid 2 hours of walking within that. Why? To of course gain some more knowledge about Health Sub-Centres in the district- to carry out the survey that I've spent so much time and effort researching for.
Since I've been going to some of the most remote areas in the district with my team of 2, it's composed of long days with lots of travel. One bus literally comes every few hours, otherwise it's a tonne of walking once your there, on rocky, uneven, mountainous terrain.
Because it's such a remote area, my team and I were almost positive that the health workers at the sub-centres likely wouldn't come everyday, so we were prepared to have to return to at least one of the HSCs on another day. What we weren't prepared for was returning for four straight days and not finding one health worker. When we talked to the community, we got mixed responses. Some people had told us straight to our faces that these workers barely come- 'they're paid by the government, their jobs are safe, they don't give a crap about us.' That was the minority, for some reason, the majority of people were afraid of telling us the truth...saying things like, 'it's not my place to say anything' and then shying away from conversation. I don't get it! 'It is your place to say everything' I wanted to scream to them. 'This is your right, the government is paying them everyday for a job they don't do, because you, the people, don't say anything.' Of course I didn't say anything, because that would just be ignorance again...I want to try to understand where this mentality is coming from...but that's a whole other point.
Right now, all I feel is defeated. I think I'm going to go back to my room and read one of the GH articles we had about health systems, maybe it'll shed some light.
Anywho, for any of those who have been regularly following, you've probably noticed how much I've cut down in the blog posts, you deserve an explanation. I feel like over these past few months, and especially the last month and a half, I've really integrated into the society and the daily life here. Everything was quite natural- I have a routine. Wake up in the morning, make lunch, breakfast, shower, go to work, come home by 6, wash clothes, make dinner etc. Many days I've gone to stay by my friends houses, with their family's in areas where internet cafes just aren't easily accessible. Point is, past checking the few emails and sending out a few messages once a week, it just has felt unnatural to come park myself at a cafe for an hour or so to blog. Today, however, was one of those days where I needed this escape. Now that I'm entering my last week here, I will try keeping you all updated. There are a few things I want and need to write about...so I'll definitely be continuing that even after I'm home.
2 weeks-- Crap. where did the summer go?
S.